the feel of human touch is enough to make me reconsider much of the things written here. for fear of inconsistence, i have not yet begun to make myself at home in this thing we call interpersonal-contact, it is terribly firghtening to find that, and i shall quote (with some slight modifications on the sense of a certain word) "loving someone can actually feel like freedom" when one does not believe in the existence of such thing as freedom; do i crumble at the thought of being what i would not expect myself to be? i must say i do, and i must say i must, for my ego is based solely on strength... my pride lies in my self taught capacity for avoiding that side of me which nourishes another. i am no more than this, and i will say it as many times as it takes for me to be convinced of it, i am no more than this void behind my eyes. do you not think it is a great weakness to relinquish from/to/at/by such demented view of life? do i not think so
? there are many barriers to be surpassed, there are many things i must begin to feel, to enyoy, to suffer in order to become less hesitant, less swollen, less hurt by inertia... "inertia creeps moving up slowl....." the real question must be: am i really willing to be permissive torwards human touch?, have i really the strength to embrace contact?