hesitant aranta



depicted

[foto de ºCHiViSº--flickr]

incoming
Nicomachean Ethics//Aristotle
Eudemian Ethics//Aristotle
Poetics//Aristotle
De Anima//Aristotle
Cause, Necessity and Blame//Richard Sorabji
The Fragility of Goodness//Martha C. Nussbaum
Essays on Aristotle's Ethics//Amelie Rorty (editor)
Aristotle's Theory of Action//David Charles
Aristotle on Moral Responsibility//Susan S. Meyer
The Fabric of Character//Nancy Sherman
Choosing Character//Jonathan Jacobs
Aristotle's Psychology//Daniel N. Robinson

Volta//Björk
Medùlla//Björk
Vespertine//Björk
Vespertine Live at the Royal Opera House//Björk

Carbon Monoxide//Marlboro Reds
caffeine in not so large ammounts

a whole lotta love

secondary bibliography

overt influences
straying

[...]
Wie ich mechanisch eine neue Zigarrette drehe und die braunen Stäubchen mit feinem Prickeln auf das weißgelbe Löschpapier der Schreibmappe niedertaumeln, will es mir unwarscheinlich werden, daß ich noch wache. Und wie die feuchtwarme Abendluft, die durch das offene Fenster neben mir hereingeht, die Rauchwölkchen so seltsam formt und aus dem Bereich der grünbeschirmten Lampe ins Mattschwarze trägt, steht es mir fest, daß ich schon träume.
Da wird's natürlich schon ganz arg; denn diese Meinung wirft der Phantasie die Zügel auf den Rücken. Hinter mir knackt heimlich neckend die Stuhllehne, daß es mir jäh wie hastiger Schauder durch alle Nerven fährt. Das stört mich ärgerlich in meinem tiefsinnigen Studium der Bizarren Rauchschriftzeichen, die im mich irren, und über die einen Leitfaden zu ferfassen ich bereits entschlossen war.
Aber nun ist die Ruhe zum Teufel. Tolle Bewegung in allen Sinnen. Fiebrisch, nervös, wahnsinnig. Jeder Laut keift. Und mit all dem verwirrt steigt Vergessenes auf. Einst dem Sehsinn Eingeprägtes, das sich seltsam erneut; mit dem Fühlen dazu von damals. [...] Vision. Proza-Skizze//Thomas Mann.


past utterances
08.03
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01.08
05.08


24.11.03

i'm very excited about something. i've been told today that i will be able to take Japanese again, it's very good news; i know no one is able to understand why, if i study philosophy, Japanese seems like a big thing for me. maybe it's because you can't do conceptual analysis of it, hehehe... but, i don't know, it's one of the few things i've gotten really into in my life, no overt influences whatsoever, just me. The thing is, there seems to be no purpose in doing it other that, well, doing it. that should always be the way things work.... heck, i'm happy

 


22.11.03

incredible Miyazaki has done it again.

 



"Alarm call" (my notebook) is back. i had not written much since i started this blog, in fact, i had forgotten how it feels when the imminence of a reader is not quite as patent. maybe the things that i used to write about are not as different as i would hope from the ones found here, but the intention is surely another, the theraupeutical sense in writing is nowhere to be found anymore, there is no such thing as solution-directed thoughts or cavilations anymore, but, then again, that may be some sort of therapy. i've had six notebooks so far, each one titled with a distictive purpose, the last two are very obvious: "proyecto exterminación" based of a phrase by Picasso: "todo acto de creación es un acto de destrucción" and "Alarm Call" because of Björk's phrase "I'm no fucking Buddhist, but this is enlightenment"; the thing is, i think this blog is partially what a notebook could be, but, and i say partially because of this, it lacks much of the things that usually turn up in paper. well, Alarm call may be back, but certainly the things i write or am able to write are not of the same sort as the ones before them, i'll need a new notebook, one a little more inspiring than this, of a more comprehensive character about my life, mmmh, life... it would be better to call such things "current state of affairs". could Hesitant aranta name my new notebook? i don't know... i don't know if i'm ready to accept that i'm aranta yet. it's a name with a story, and all things that have that same character, mustn't become an essential part of our lives, unless we want to come to an end as a part of such stories. ... uuuummmmmmmm i think i know what to name it, no, actually not, i think i know what phrase is going to somehow define it: "What am to do with all this fire?", yes, that's good.... my favorite song in the world...

 


19.11.03

8 Easy Steps -=- Alanis Morissette How to stay paralyzed by fear of abandonment How to defer to men in solvable predicaments How to control someone to be a carbon copy of you How to have that not work and have them run away from you How to keep people at arms-length and never get too close How to mistrust the ones you supposedly love the most How to pretend you're fine and don't need help from anyone How to feel worthless unless you're helping I'll teach you all this in eight easy steps In the course of a lifetime you'll never forget I'll show you how to in eight easy steps I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best How to hate women when you're supposed to be a feminist How to play all-highest when you're really a hypocrite How to hate god when you're a prayer and a spirtualist How to sabotage if you're in tough seas I'll teach you all this in eight easy steps In the course of a lifetime you'll never forget I'll show you how to in eight easy steps I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best I've been doing research for years I've been practicing my ass off I've been waiting my whole life for this moment, i swear to you Culminating just to be this well-versed leader for you I'll teach you all this in eight easy steps In the course of a lifetime you'll never forget I'll show you how to in eight easy steps I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best How to lie to yourself and thereby to everyone else How to keep smiling when you're thinking of killing yourself How to know them all the too well by going with them How to stay stuck in your life hating them I'll teach you all this in eight easy steps In the course of a lifetime you'll never forget I'll show you how to in eight easy steps I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best I've been wondering what this song is supposed to mean, i know it says a lot of things to me , but i doubt they are the ones that are meant to get through; it really is a problem that we are not able to fully expose what we want to say in a manner that others understand it the way we would want to, then again, maybe it is not everyone's problem, just my inept-ness. I don't know if i would like it as much if i understood the situations that brought forth its creation, i don't know if would like it as much if i fully understood it.... there's an external condition to my liking it: September 13th. it's just a matter of moment, i guess, of the wonderful memories it triggers... never in my life had i been so happy as that day, realizing that there was a human being (just that, no deity behind it all, no extraordinary feature involved in the existence of such a being, no supernatural reason for me to be there, fascinated) talking, and me, listening.

 



"There is a planet (call it "Yon") where things are very much like here. In particular, by a cosmic accident, some of the people on Yon speak a dialect indistinguishable fron English and live in an urban conglomerate indistinguishable from the Greater Boston Area. Still more, for every one of our Great Bostonians, there is a doppelganger on Yon who has precisely the same neurological structure down to and including micropaticles. We can assume that, so long as we're construing "psychological state" narrowly, this latter condition guarantees type identity of our psychologycal state with theirs" Fodor, on Putnam´s example of Twin Earth why is it that good examples apeal to the feel of infancy? It may be right what someone once told me, all you need to do to recognize a great mind is to find that such mind works acordingly to the following parameters: i) he must have written a book, or story, with a great title, ii) he must have amazingly clear examples, iii) he can convince you that there are many ways of fighting his view but that that's not necessary for he is right.

 


15.11.03

there are things that may never change, that must never change.

 


13.11.03

i am conscious i'm not able to write about new things. everything i do shows the bond, the dependence of my day to day living and my so very insipid meditations. there are a few things i would love to write about but somehow don't manage to get in this space... i'm beginning to think there is something really, really wrong, pathological even, about my way of understanding the happenings in life. but i cannot help to be what i've taught myself, i am compelled to analyze -not too efficiently, for it may hold the key to my disappointment-every second of my day, every "light brought by" by some useless cavilation on the bus, i need to feel as though i have a complete knowledge of what has happened in order to be able to accept what is to come. there is no need to show myself how extremely vulnerable i am to your eyes, and, it is quite contradictory that i sit here telling you about it when my purpose was -and will still be- to hide it from you, from me. i've been thinking that this past year has been full of wonderful surprises, and yet, none of them were surprinsing at all; i thought it was just plain apathy, or lack of attention (what is usually called a "short attention spand"), but now i understand that within these walls of flesh and feel, there is more to be expected that what is normally considered rational intuition. and because of this i know i am frail and full of some illusive hope, i am full of expectations at a not so subcontious level:: i am beginning to believe there is nothing else than what i can expect from the world, and that, evidently is a very sad thing to "have in mind". i cannot hope to be different, i cannot hope for things to be something else, for i am not able to be surprised... i must do as i did on that amazingly gratifying day [september 13th], just let myself get swept off my feet by the joy of an intuition realized. again, there will no comments, because of my lack of consideration of the overt realities that this cybernetic community joiner holds for me to see...i am talking nonsense now, but isn't that what IT is all about? nonsense, THE word that holds the most sense of all.

 


10.11.03

just quoting before quitting or quieting "That it's the glasses through which we each look at life that defines what our individual truths are."

 



things change with enough speed to make me think i am incapable of understanding the reasons that make such appearances be so solid, so patent. from being extatic with the glimpse of comforting, comprehensive explanation, i become more and more disappointed in the turn of events; there is no escaping reason, no denying purpose... how i would love to feel like i did when i heard it the first time, to crave being in that place, just sitting here, or there, or anywhere.... just being out of time, running out of myself, begging for more. but things are somehow different, things seem to be more than i can understand and yet less than what i would hope, iteration may be no more than an excuse for allowing myself believing things cannot be without sense. ahhh, this is turning rather sterile, don't you think? you... you, whom i cannot know, or feel, or sense... sense, sense, sense..... too many things under one little word, behind the symbols lay the symbols apprehended by no one... or is there anyone here? just sitting here, or there, or anywhere?

 


5.11.03

everything that has a begining has an end. maybe things are not at all to be fully understood..... what an end should mean..... what anything should mean.... is it correct to speak of "should"??? i don't know anymore what i want of this

 



there are many things i cannot understand, most of the things that happen, or simply are, escape my grasp. i'm sorry to say that i am the piece in the puzzle that doesn't seem to fit anywhere -probably in another puzzle, one lost, or forgotten-, i'm sorry to say that i can't do anything to remedy anything, i am just here to look and to strive for attention, i am here to be what no one notices, what no one cares if wrong... i'm sorry i can't be the interlude in others' pain, i'm sorry i am always sorry for something; i heard something really nice today that has stuck to my brain in a manner i cannot yet begin to understand [spinoza. E. D. M. G. IV, 44], maybe all i need to get through is something nice from someone else. but these someoneS seem to be in as much pain as i am and have been before. what am i to do with the frustration brought forth by impotence? i don't know much anymore, i don't think i've really ever known anything but the evidence of my tiny helpless existence is enough to make me wonder if interaction is going as it should. aren't we here to be comforted by others and not by other's pain? as i once thought, there is much that i can do but am not entirely resolved to do so... then again, maybe it is not a matter of will, maybe being convinced of the possibility of changing something has corrupted what lays behind my eyes to the point of feeling too frustrated by something that is so very natural in all of us: impotence of change, irrelevance.

 


3.11.03

interaction, that construes our will. we must all, at some point, face the inevitability of being portrayed -to ourselves, for we may never see us as others do, or can- as the lesser being in the relation, we must all reflect upon our weakness, our negligence, our fallencies in what concerns self image. still, there is much that is provided by contact, we can only begin to fully understand by trying to show what for each one is more than obvious. and that is mainly what many of us have been doing in this binary coded space, interacting, growing, seeing multiple variants of the interpretation of the choices we think we make, this is what alanis called "utopia", but, i don?t share that view, it cannot be characterized as utopic since it is all there is. Anyway, there has been growing something in between these linked individuals that seems to reflect what i want to say and somehow can't. it is too scary to find myself binded to a community that grows while exterminating my primary purpose of being unchained to the day to day happenings of this i call mind. there seems to be no escaping reason, no denying purpose. what i wanted may not be a possibility.

 


2.11.03

there are things that should not be and somehow are, there are others for which we strive and frustrate and curse the world for being unfair and irrational for letting them be, and still, the world may end and this will be all there will ever be. i must say i'm more frightened by the idea of causality than anything else right now. and though i believe it to be most accurate, i can't seem to pull myself together and face the irrevocable fact that i am not in control of anything, for this has always been meant to be, i am struggling against my will to stay oblivious, i am fighting my desire to stay ignorant ( for i believed ignorance is bliss) i am staying in this misinterpreted inertial mode. and this has come to me before and i have turned my face away, and this has been a motivation i have emphatically denied, and this has been my essence and i have run from it as though i am not interested in being what i crave. these are my cravings, my intended fallacies, my unspoken desires... these are the things i dare not say to myself. but this is my inertial mode: negligence, forgetting me, accepting this deteriorated ego as my own, screaming in riddles i have designed for my own repression, being what i have been: the lack of me in this worked up system of perpetual stillness. am i to change? am i to become what i've been denied by myself? am i to question my illusion's? am i to stop or to run [cfr. www.hotashesfortrees.blogspot.com] ? to run.... to run out of me? i think i may be ready to consider a change in the appreciation of the sense [not at all meaning] of "inertial mode". things must never change... but the understanding of such things, the associated descriptions (hehehe) of a proper name such as "inertial mode" may vary due to the acquisition of a proper understanding of the implications that sense necessarily carries... as of today i am what i can understand by my definition, as of today i must comprehend all aspects taken for joke, as of today, hesitation will become a guidance more than burden. as of of today i will struggle for my own preservation.