i've found that many of the things that i am profoundly convinced about - some opinions about the way life is heading appear to be convictions very deeply founded-, are things that have a recurrent appearance in my life. though they may not be numerous, they are certainly very strong, appealing, seductive... they are mine as nothing else could ever be. and that is sometimes quite frightening for i never know when i will be moved to such a point where i can no longer be in control of the segregations of my eyes, it's frightening because it's becoming more of a habit than a surprising stumble upon reality. this last month has been really difficult in that respect, i am constantly being overwhelmed by the presence of such things brought forth by strange individuals in situations often thought of as normal; but there is no such thing as normality when one is facing down, there is no sense of "usual happenings" when there is not enough time to realize that this is the only path that i am able to take right now: i'm scared to tears because i know not whether i am in the right place - or in the appropriate disposition to understand my being in this place- or i am just looking for an excuse to keep myself away from what is really the object of my attention. i'm scared, tired, confused... i'm going in circles again, i've gone through this since before graduating, but the things i know i like to think are perpetuating the idea of misplacement. i'm hoping this semester will come to an end soon enough.