:: the barrier ::
of all the pages i may have written in my lifetime, of all the little letters scrambled across pieces of stretched cellulose, there are those dedicated to the inevitability of the "crashing and burning" of each one of our egos whilst being embarked in the somehow frightening travel of interpersonal relations.__these simple and probably naive cavilations have made me reticent to the idea of a communion between two people damned to spend their existence with their own identities; there is no way of escaping conflict and tortures, there is no way of being without being with one's self pulling and pushing in all directions, craving love and solitude simultaneously, loving and hating one's self all at the same time for that extenuating effort of being not only with someone, but being for someone.__ i used to think that there had to be a cause for such stupid behavior, some defect, some flaw that could be accounted for the contradictory nature of this type of behavior, i now think i found it.__it is more than simply plausible that we are driven to make up for ourselves by means of that other one who is just as tortured and just as pained by the nature of the existence given by the world: i now think that being with someone must
constitute the one space to be, to say the least, at peace with identity.__and though there may not be even a chance, a farfeched possibility of ever getting across the abyss that separates two tortured beings, the simple act of getting closer to comprehending the nature of such pain and anguish is enough to justify the contradicting cravings, enough to make it worth the trip to this land that belongs to none and that i, for one, can never even begin to try to understand.
i can only, as always, speak for myself.__i have no say in what concerns other human beings, other people, other puddles of salty liquid behind other glassy capsules painted in other colors; i cannot pretend to be able to touch any nerves other of my own, i cannot escape being left alone with my salt by the end of the day.
i am now as confused as i could ever imagine, for the only thing i was convinced of being, convinced of believing, is being given to me by whom i could never have guessed, some strange creature by the name of A.__as it begun it will probably end.
coming in through my ears::(and eyes) Eyes Wide Shut