:: kare ni yubi ippon furetemiru, koroshite yaru ::
it haunts me, every second, every minute, every day; the mere thought of it sickens me to my bones, shivers crawl, run, and squirm throughout my body, across my soul, for i know not if i will be able to stand still while this world of mine crumbles in my perceptive apparatus.__i wish not to drown in my willing anguish, i wish not to stay disturbed by ideas like those that come to me in my sleep, i wish not to be unable to act upon any possible threats to that one
that struggles in fear of a loss not conceivable, not apprehensible, not possible.__but to see him in such struggle, in such pained glory inflicts deep wounds in me, it wakes me from my ever-lasting inertial mode, from my self attained distractions motivating the promise i dare not say but cannot help writing.
the wall that used to serve as protection for my frail ego falls in when his eyes are set upon mine, all traces of fear, regret and repulsion towards myself are erased by the simple expression on his beautiful beautiful self; all of my self-construed phobic episodes cease to be by his side.__still, one terrible and unmistakable truth remains, i cannot think of him being any less than perfectly happy, for in his
happiness lies the one and only key to mine.__because that must be so, the promise that serves as introductory note for today, will be held for as long as i have strength to maintain it, for as long as i can be here.
tobitai, demo, shinbou no tameni dake desu.
coming in through my ears::Misty/Ella Fitzgerald & Duke Ellington