:: lack of subjectivity ::
it has been haunting me. is there truth in such a statement?, if so, what kind of truth? i find it difficult to understand how one could come to one such conclusion; we are brought into the world and introduced
to most all of our thoughts through a distinction that now seems to become blurred. and i wonder what kind of faith is needed in order to maintain oneself sane once it is acknowledged. perhaps that could explain why certain things appear as "really" important, while others, simply as a misunderstanding, as a corruption. i used to think that that part of the activity that thinking involves was -is- what must be sought, then i changed my mind, i came to believe that in the end, all is no more that a simple game that one must learn to play in order to understand; now, i'm not so sure.
i've lost myself in this. can i be recovered?
does recovery imply another kind of loss?
i had the opportunity today to re-view myself through known eyes, i am not as myself as i would have hoped. the terrible look in her eyes when i confessed not having drawn anything in almost three years froze me; i stood there, in that restaurant, knowing that i had decided to leave myself behind, searching for a truth that must never be sought after. nevertheless, this new thing is comforting -in many ways it's making me happy-, a new self built up from scratch, self-approval is now relevant for i am no longer tied to what for so long was thought of me. i am hoping to become myselfish.
coming in through my ears:: Eins Live Radio