:: long enough ::
perhaps it has been long enough. although, there's no way of actually knowing if that is the case. sometimes i wonder how long it would take me to realize that all of this could be nothing more than a lie or nothing less than a sweet desire for something different. all the same i keep going on, trying to try to do things which i know not if i do wish for. time just seems to catch up with me, and with its particular way of standing still and sprinting, shows me how terribly futile all efforts may be. as soon as i begin to let loose a little bit of hope, a little bit of pride, comfort and lust, the moment vanishes into thin air, what i longed for appears as an ever so distant mere possible something, and i fall back to my now usual mistrust of what i may -or may not- want.
i've writen long enough about what drove me to stop drawing, but now, it seems, it makes no sense to continue believing in the reasons once given. once again i find my self in the situation where i have to make a stop and decide which me is to prevail. and i haven't the least idea.
coming in through my ears:: Sie kann fliegen//2raumwohnung
this used to be aranta::
20:40
