hesitant aranta


[foto de ºCHiViSº--flickr]

Nicomachean Ethics//Aristotle
Eudemian Ethics//Aristotle
De Anima//Aristotle
Cause, Necessity and Blame//Richard Sorabji
The Fragility of Goodness//Martha C. Nussbaum
Essays on Aristotle's Ethics//Amelie Rorty (editor)
Aristotle's Theory of Action//David Charles
Aristotle on Moral Responsibility//Susan S. Meyer
The Fabric of Character//Nancy Sherman
Choosing Character//Jonathan Jacobs
Aristotle's Psychology//Daniel N. Robinson

Vespertine Live at the Royal Opera House//Björk

Carbon Monoxide//Marlboro Reds
caffeine in not so large ammounts

a whole lotta love

secondary bibliography

overt influences

Wie ich mechanisch eine neue Zigarrette drehe und die braunen Stäubchen mit feinem Prickeln auf das weißgelbe Löschpapier der Schreibmappe niedertaumeln, will es mir unwarscheinlich werden, daß ich noch wache. Und wie die feuchtwarme Abendluft, die durch das offene Fenster neben mir hereingeht, die Rauchwölkchen so seltsam formt und aus dem Bereich der grünbeschirmten Lampe ins Mattschwarze trägt, steht es mir fest, daß ich schon träume.
Da wird's natürlich schon ganz arg; denn diese Meinung wirft der Phantasie die Zügel auf den Rücken. Hinter mir knackt heimlich neckend die Stuhllehne, daß es mir jäh wie hastiger Schauder durch alle Nerven fährt. Das stört mich ärgerlich in meinem tiefsinnigen Studium der Bizarren Rauchschriftzeichen, die im mich irren, und über die einen Leitfaden zu ferfassen ich bereits entschlossen war.
Aber nun ist die Ruhe zum Teufel. Tolle Bewegung in allen Sinnen. Fiebrisch, nervös, wahnsinnig. Jeder Laut keift. Und mit all dem verwirrt steigt Vergessenes auf. Einst dem Sehsinn Eingeprägtes, das sich seltsam erneut; mit dem Fühlen dazu von damals. [...] Vision. Proza-Skizze//Thomas Mann.

past utterances


:: [...] ::

i have a huge problem managing time._it seems to me almost impossible to do things at the time they are supposed to be done; it's almost as if i had not yet understood the real meaning of measure-units._this is probably why i am the kind of person that spends her time making up for time lost, the kind that apologizes for faults instead of preventing herself from wrongdoing._my mind takes a while to catch up with my actions._and thought i am very much conscious of this thing being the case and deploring it being so, i seem to be unable to take a step towards the understanding of others within the limits of my own patterns of behaviour._ i judge too harshly mistakes -or what i take to be mistakes- and build up grudges that are not easily diluted, not easily torn apart._i fall prey to the tendency of making stories in my head which cover every possible contingency with some ill intention or planned out scheme of action; i tend to believe the worst in every case, but refuse to attribute to myself such motivations._for a long time i've become used to distorting my own first impressions in order to fit them into a greater picture that i somehow can control and understand._there is no space for loose ends within my made-up version of the world._actions, persons, facts, interpretations, versions, excuses, justifications, words, gestures -and the lack of all of the above- fit into strict categories, sometimes even overlapping to the demise of the very premise that supposes that that is the way to get a hold on what goes about._and so i sit here, writing this thing instead of what i should be writing, utterly unable to focus on the way to explain why feelings are good way of reaching into the character of the agent, and rather thinking about why it bothers me so much that the right solution to whatever brought on this mess was not given at the time it should; about why every single one of us was unable to make time for what was demanded.
i'll summarize what i think is the matter._a)a huge mistake was made when he asked for my essay._the dynamics of the contest itself suppose that organizers and contestants have no such interactions. b) it was a greater mistake on my part to accede to turning in such an essay, while in knowledge of it not being qualified to participate._the fact that i explicitly asked whether or not it was a problem if it was already published and assumed that the answer given made it alright to turn it in was indeed irresponsible on my behalf._i can read, i may not be very clever, but i can understand, at least, the terms and conditions of a contest. c) despite not having any intention of wining the contest, i should have not participated._at least, i should have made it even clearer that i was sending in a paper "for statistical purposes", meaning i expected it to be rejected at once, because of it having been already published.
i have no interest in being awarded a prize i do not deserve, i would want for myself to not be seen as someone that deliberately sought to skip the norm and take advantage of a system that supposes the integrity and honesty of both participants and organizers._but i cannot deny that i am responsible for what has happened and can do no more than take the blame._of course, i will not accept blame for cheating, for, according to the description of the action that includes what i knew of the matter and what i intended when acting, that is not the case._i renounce both to the prize and the mention, for having been less than intelligent in my acting._i regret not having spoken sooner.
there is, still, another side of things; one which i cannot so easily explain or solve -i cannot solve it at all, nor do i intend to, perhaps because i'm sure there is no solution to be reached._much harm was done that cannot be explained easily._ things should have been done and spoken about at the right time and in the proper manner; too much of passionate intervention was allowed into a dialogue that could've dissipated doubts, had it been unbiased by external factors._versions intertwined, making it ever more complicated to see what was really behind all this mess; the worse being the lack of humbleness to accept that mistakes were made and the attack -the preying upon, even- on those undeserving of mistreatment._ i've tried my best to stop my mind from making up stories that would end up in thinking about the people involved either as monsters or second-agenda-driven agents; i've tried to isolate the personal level._but i don't know if that can be done or if it should
be done._i have only partial bits of information; no matter how hard one tries to get to the core of things, one must always trust whatever little information is given by others -i cannot supposed to be lied to all the time, that would not be fair to them, nor to me._the thing is, i cannot hope to be offered an apology, for, strictly speaking, nobody owes me one._i am, nonetheless, disappointed by the fact that the real 'victim' of it all has not been given proper 'compensation'._it makes me think, only, that in the future, "disappointment" will be an inaccurate word to describe it, for i now believe that nothing much is to be expected from him.
coming in through my ears::Medúlla; Vespertine; Volta//Björk